Wednesday, October 28, 2009

The Curse of Perfectionism

I've been posting in this blog only for a few months. I've tried to make it good so far, and I've got a small following (I have a following?! WTF, people, don't you have better things to do?! <3), not to mention, I've got an awesome blogging gig at Tor.com. It's awesome.

But I've been reading and reading, and knowing that there are so many better writers than I am, sometimes I feel I fall short. I was having trouble articulating how I felt. There was something missing, I thought, something that my blog needs, my writing needs, all of it - there's somewhere where I'm falling short. Whenever I wrote posts, I'd wonder if I got it right, or committed some ridiculous fail.

Sady at Tiger Beatdown got my feelings down pat, without meaning to:
I’m saying I miss being in that place where being wrong always felt like an option, an acceptable option, because I was learning. The problem, I think, is that I believe I know what I am talking about now, and am talking about it more to share thoughts that are already formed than to work out new ideas. And I don’t like that feeling. I don’t like repeating myself.  I’m actually doing this thing, now, on Tiger Beatdown, where I talk against myself – take things I thought I was certain of, and see if I can poke any holes in them – and while that’s annoying to witness, and makes me look like some wacky “post-feminist” person at times, it’s at least a quest for the new.

And I so know how she feels! Now, mind you, Sady's been writing for a year now, and I've barely even gotten started! So, it's more than bothersome for me to be feeling this way, when I'm sure there're so many other ways I could be a better writer.

The solution, as always, is just to keep on writing. It keeps the discipline of writing going. No matter what, I should have something every Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Sunday. Even if I write it all in one day and schedule it. It keeps me going.

Right now, jobless as I am, it seems that that's the only which will.

*goes back to teaspooning*

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